June Cleaver?... not I

 I started this to vent to let other mothers know that they are not alone. The more I talked to other mothers the more I realized that the things that I was most upset about and felt horrible about they were feeling as well. Just the fact that I wasn't living up to June Cleavers standard of motherhood and wifedom made me feel like I was failing. The fact that I had very few friends with kids (only one beat me by 7 months) I was left to find out alot of things on my own. My friend also helped calm many frantic phone calls almost always by just saying me too. So here I am writing to whomever feels like reading this to let you know me too!

Why is it that women are expected to live up to standards set by a time that is no longer relevant. Hell, June Cleaver wasn't even June Cleaver without some help (like script writers, hair and make-up artists, prop people). So why is it that society seems to expect us to continue on without hollywoods help. Even when I was staying at home I couldn't get everything done let alone now when I'm working 3-5 days a week. Why is it that dad's are praised for showing up and women are still expected to do everything else.

So here I am a self proclaimed 'anit-mom, or "bad" mother, or whatever you want to call me but I sure as hell am not June Cleaver (just ask my husband... lol). I do my best but refuse to feel bad if I don't clean the kitchen everynight, if I don't get all the laundry done, if I don't cook a proper dinner everynight. (KD anyone?)

So all "bad" mothers unite!!! Hold you heads up high and look society right in the eye and say F U!

Identity Crisis

Here I am. In the middle of a professional identity crisis. My current paying job is great. I run my families business with almost no boundaries. Just the occasional check in with my dad (the true owner). I enjoy my job. However it is not in a industry that I love. Actually it's not even an industry I like. But, I love my job. I love the freedom. The hours, the pay, the challenge. However, I have found that since my monkey made his entrance into my world I have been losing my focus. Then I started a home based business that I love. That I am proud of but that I do not have the finances or time to expand or even really develop.

My question is what do I do? I mean I guess I know what I have to do. Family comes first in every way. Meaning that I have to keep working, not only to satisfy my dad but to keep my own family unit going. With an 11 month old at home and the hope of one day buying a house this is not the time to start my own business. I admire my dad as he took a chance with more on the line than I have. He quit a high paying job to start his own business(s), he worked hard (understatement) and now it's my turn.

Ah one day. One day maybe we will be in a place where I can truly push my love. Where I can develop my product line.

I think that is it. I am torn between who I am and who I want to be. I think I will have to stay with who I am and put who I want to be on the back burner for awhile. It can simmer away and I can make contacts that maybe one day will help me but I have to re-focus on my current company. I have let the bar slip down and I need to catch it before it falls.

Tomorrow is back to work for me, full boar. Get things going!

Decision made, crisis over.