Adulthood

They always just say its hard.

How you wish you were still a little girl with next to no worries in comparison to the things you worry about now. With each stage of life comes a new set of worries, a new set of decisions. You make these decisions with a new set of players. You follow your heart, make decisions that are right for you.

Then you have kids, or one kid in my case. A whoops, an accident or as its been stated something that was my fault. And everything changes again. The thought of anything harming that child, of anything happening to that child, of anything coming between you and that child is unimaginable. The force is so strong that you are even willing to give up what you believe in the moment to be true happiness in order not take the chance of losing them. You have to stop following your heart, start thinking things through. Thinking not only of how it will affect you and your partner but most importantly your child. You have to weigh all the options and sometimes the option that you would have chosen in the past and even the option that your heart is set on is not the one you can choose. The players have changed and you no longer make the rules.

They always just say its hard, they never say how hard.

June Cleaver?... not I

 I started this to vent to let other mothers know that they are not alone. The more I talked to other mothers the more I realized that the things that I was most upset about and felt horrible about they were feeling as well. Just the fact that I wasn't living up to June Cleavers standard of motherhood and wifedom made me feel like I was failing. The fact that I had very few friends with kids (only one beat me by 7 months) I was left to find out alot of things on my own. My friend also helped calm many frantic phone calls almost always by just saying me too. So here I am writing to whomever feels like reading this to let you know me too!

Why is it that women are expected to live up to standards set by a time that is no longer relevant. Hell, June Cleaver wasn't even June Cleaver without some help (like script writers, hair and make-up artists, prop people). So why is it that society seems to expect us to continue on without hollywoods help. Even when I was staying at home I couldn't get everything done let alone now when I'm working 3-5 days a week. Why is it that dad's are praised for showing up and women are still expected to do everything else.

So here I am a self proclaimed 'anit-mom, or "bad" mother, or whatever you want to call me but I sure as hell am not June Cleaver (just ask my husband... lol). I do my best but refuse to feel bad if I don't clean the kitchen everynight, if I don't get all the laundry done, if I don't cook a proper dinner everynight. (KD anyone?)

So all "bad" mothers unite!!! Hold you heads up high and look society right in the eye and say F U!