So I have a big ex and it's not my ex-husband. I have an ex-boyfriend (well more than one, but i'm talking about only one so far). We've played this little breakup/back together game for 12 years. The last breakup was many many years ago (before I met my husband). yet we seem to always come back to each other. We've been talking lately. We started chatting when things went seriously south with my friend. My ex knows me better than anyone I've met. I'm comfortable with him. It's nice. We've been talking, he's even visited a couple times (he lives out of town). Now I'm worried I'm getting involved. He's away working on site as a medic/cook and comes back next week. Just in time to take me for my birthday. I thought I had it all under control that I was being "cool as a cucumber". Until today, today he sent me a message that he was going to call and we would talk. I'm sitting there getting my hair done and all that goes through my head is "I'm getting dumped by a guy I'm not even dating... again (my friend kinda same thing)". Whoops. I think my cucumber just wilted. Cool my ass.
So question is, do I continue down a road with a guy where it didn't work any of the other multiple times we've tried in the past, hoping it would be better, or do I cut ties and run the other way as fast as possible before it blows up in my face atomic bomb style?
PS- remember when I said I have a type... the narcissistic sociopath, well he started that trend. He's had a lot happen in the last few years that have caused him to grow up, but do people really change?
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I married that guy. And was verbally abused by him. And divorced him. and went to therapy for a year to change 'my type'. I was taught, yes, taught, to look for character, integrity, kindness. I learned to shut up more. aka listen more. This was how I learned more about their character. I 'practiced' listening and learning on dates. I vowed to not marry again. I had a career and made great money and didn't need a man. I would take my girlfriends on fun vacays with me. I listened to my therapist and said 'what the hell' might as well try it. I went on dates. Had fun drinks. Listened. I met the kindest (started habitat for humanity while at harvard), smartest (um, harvard mba), hottest (tall, dark, blue eyes and an ironman triathlete) guy. I listened. I learned. I listened some more (meaning I observed and watched for character). I dated him for 2 years. I married him. I had a baby with him. My friends call him ST. John. I can spot the a**holes from a mile away now. I can almost smell them. I smell a rat. Run, far, far away. You are better than this and will be so happy one day when you realized you met the man of your dreams that will make your dreams come true for the rest of your life. I am living proof. And you my friend, are worth it. xoxo shelli
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