Identity Crisis

Here I am. In the middle of a professional identity crisis. My current paying job is great. I run my families business with almost no boundaries. Just the occasional check in with my dad (the true owner). I enjoy my job. However it is not in a industry that I love. Actually it's not even an industry I like. But, I love my job. I love the freedom. The hours, the pay, the challenge. However, I have found that since my monkey made his entrance into my world I have been losing my focus. Then I started a home based business that I love. That I am proud of but that I do not have the finances or time to expand or even really develop.

My question is what do I do? I mean I guess I know what I have to do. Family comes first in every way. Meaning that I have to keep working, not only to satisfy my dad but to keep my own family unit going. With an 11 month old at home and the hope of one day buying a house this is not the time to start my own business. I admire my dad as he took a chance with more on the line than I have. He quit a high paying job to start his own business(s), he worked hard (understatement) and now it's my turn.

Ah one day. One day maybe we will be in a place where I can truly push my love. Where I can develop my product line.

I think that is it. I am torn between who I am and who I want to be. I think I will have to stay with who I am and put who I want to be on the back burner for awhile. It can simmer away and I can make contacts that maybe one day will help me but I have to re-focus on my current company. I have let the bar slip down and I need to catch it before it falls.

Tomorrow is back to work for me, full boar. Get things going!

Decision made, crisis over.

Swimming and Songs

I don't get it. I'm sure there has been a tone of research done and I'm sure all the scientists are right but why does everything that has to do with babies include songs?

We went to gymboree great idea, super hippy instructor. Don't get me wrong I have nothing against hippies... I have even been called one here and there. But she was that singsongy, did too much acid in the 60's, hippie. Even my son looked at her like she was crazy. We did our one class and that was it. I discovered that he doesn't do structure well. And at 11 months old I do not expect my monkey to sit and listen and sing along in a room full of slides and toys. I also discovered that he most definitely is one of the busiest kids I know. He lapped the other kids (an understatement I was almost at a run to keep up with him form spot to spot) and getting him to sit in a circle.. good freakin luck!  If you could take out the structure (sit and sing opening song, 10 min on slides, sit in circle sing more, play with parachute while singing more songs, sit back in circle sing more songs... all in 45 min) and maybe have an opening song then let them go ater with the stuff then I'd go back but trying to get him to do the right thing at the right time... not a chance at 11 months! So no more gymboree for us.

Then we went to swimming. Again with the songs! Seriously my monkey just looks at the instructor like she's crazy. I get what he's thinking.... why are we sitting here singing songs let's get going woman! Once we started moving around he was great but every-time we stopped to sing a song I was the one with the squirmy guy.

Don't get me wrong. I am all about music, monkey gets exposed to all types pretty much on a constant basis. I sing him to sleep (well hum). My hubby pays the guitar and sings to him and he loves it. We sing around the house, in the car everywhere. But why does every baby class we go to have to be full of songs? He has to sit there on my lap singing wheels on the bus or something while all the fun toys taunt him from afar.

Another warning I forgot to put in I am very bad at ending. I could ramble on for ever so instead of thinking of a witty conclusion I will just finish with...

That's all for now.