June Cleaver?... not I

 I started this to vent to let other mothers know that they are not alone. The more I talked to other mothers the more I realized that the things that I was most upset about and felt horrible about they were feeling as well. Just the fact that I wasn't living up to June Cleavers standard of motherhood and wifedom made me feel like I was failing. The fact that I had very few friends with kids (only one beat me by 7 months) I was left to find out alot of things on my own. My friend also helped calm many frantic phone calls almost always by just saying me too. So here I am writing to whomever feels like reading this to let you know me too!

Why is it that women are expected to live up to standards set by a time that is no longer relevant. Hell, June Cleaver wasn't even June Cleaver without some help (like script writers, hair and make-up artists, prop people). So why is it that society seems to expect us to continue on without hollywoods help. Even when I was staying at home I couldn't get everything done let alone now when I'm working 3-5 days a week. Why is it that dad's are praised for showing up and women are still expected to do everything else.

So here I am a self proclaimed 'anit-mom, or "bad" mother, or whatever you want to call me but I sure as hell am not June Cleaver (just ask my husband... lol). I do my best but refuse to feel bad if I don't clean the kitchen everynight, if I don't get all the laundry done, if I don't cook a proper dinner everynight. (KD anyone?)

So all "bad" mothers unite!!! Hold you heads up high and look society right in the eye and say F U!

Couple of my fav pics!

A trip to Grand Forks to visit my fam. Here are a couple of my favorite pictures!

Monkey would have stayed outside all day!!

That's all for today! Just felt like posting some pics!

The parental 180

Its funny how much things change. How the things I thought I'd do are not an option and things I swore I would never do are now a staple in my life.

When my husband and I first got pregnant we had the talks. The spanking talk, the co-sleeping talk, breast-feeding talks etc. We agreed on everything. We both believed in spanking (let me clarify that this is not beating on your child but a tap on the bum when they are unruly). Co-sleeping was not an option not only were we scared we would roll onto Boomers in our sleep but we didn't want to give up our bed.

Then Booms arrived and everything changed. I discovered how great it was to be able to sleep and feed in bed, then he got sick and could only sleep mostly upright then something else happened and to be honest we miss him on the rare occasion he does sleep in his crib. Now starting next month, 1 year later, we are going to start weaning him out of our bed and into his own, only because space is tight and he is a busy sleeper we will both miss waking up with him there.

Spanking went out the window pretty quick.  All he learns is anger = hitting. I tried explaining this to my mother (who spanked all her kids) and told her not to spank him. Then she did it one day. I got mad and re-explained our reasons. The very next day my little man proved my point to my mother. He walked into the stove got mad and hit it. We went from "what's wrong with kids today is they weren't spanked... to "we do not hit our children".  There we are doing a complete 180.

These are just 2 example of how things are so totally different from we thought.

How WE are so totally different from what we were.

They teach you too! Who knew?!

Learning from my child. Never for one second did I think I knew it all but I was pretty sure I had my shit together. Then I had a little boy. Not only did I realize fast that I knew NOTHING but I most defiantly did not have my shit together and what I did have together was blown apart. He has turned my life upside down, inside out and backwards. And I love it (most of the time).

I figured you had kids and you teach them how to be a better person than you are. Teach them morals and good values. Love, respect etc but I never thought about how much he would teach me. My monkey turns 1 year soon and in an amazingly short time he has not only taught me things about myself (like just how little sleep I need over an extended period of time), but he has taught me new ways to view the world. A tree is not a tree it is this amazing curiosity, grass, rocks, other people are all things to meet and explore. He also is making me a better person. My please and thank yous are through the roof! My swearing is down. Patience is at an all-time high (if it were a muscle I would be Hercules!). Hell, my husband even used the word frick today on the phone. I almost thought I misheard him.

This is a by-product of parenting I never expected, but will love and enjoy it while we stop at every rock, inspect the 10 millionth pine cone (deep breath) and wave at everyone around us.

1 year old well almost

Everyone tells you that the first year after you have a baby goes fast so enjoy it. You respond the same way you do to all unsolicited advice.. ya ya I know. But holy shit you have no idea. Fast is an understatement. It's more like a blink. 

Just under a year ago I was screaming in the delivery room that I can't do this make it stop (ha ha I'm such a wuss) and then I blinked. Now I have a little walking man, with personality, emotions, wants. Wow. Already he doesn't want to be cuddled as much. Already he won't do things if they are too babyish for him. 

The bath was a prime example. One day he started screaming bloody murder when I went to give him a bath. It was totally out of the blue. The night before he was giggling and splashing, loving his bath. The next night I went to put him in his little chair in the tub and it sounded like I was torturing him. This went on for about a week. I ended up taking baths with him or my hubby would take him in the shower because then he wouldn't scream. Then genius struck and I tried putting him in the tub without the baby seat. No problem. Not even a whimper. He was back to splashing and giggling. I have racked my brain and the only answer I can come up with is he had outgrown his baby seat. That is just one example, of many, of how he is growing up. 

I'm sure the next time I blink he will be 16 and on his way out with the car while I give whatever tramp he is with the stink eye from the living room. How will I convince him to cuddle up with me then? Will I still be the center of his world?

No one ever tells you about how hard it is to be the one watching your kids grow up. Good god, listen to me after 11 months... wait until he actually turns 16.